If Only
by AmiNoo
Summary: Why couldn't things ever be different in their life? Why was everything so damn hard for them! A poem from Sam's POV basically about the Winchester's troubled lives...


Hey y'all :):):)

Ok, I have no idea whatsoever where this idea came from... and I mean no idea! lol

For some freaky reason, I felt really poetic -raises eyebrow- today so I was like, 'By Jove! I shall write a poem!' (I don't know where the posh London accent came from)

So anyways, yep, I've written a poem and I know it probably won't be that good, but please, give it a try and see what you think of it :D

**Summary: Why couldn't things ever be different in their life? Why was everything so damn hard for them?! A poem from Sam's POV basically about the Winchester's troubled lives**

Well here it goes! Hope y'all like it!! :)

* * *

_If only life was easy_

_If only death was hard_

_If only nightmares weren't real_

_If only we weren't scarred_

_If only Mom was still here_

_If only she had stayed_

_If only Dad had no vengeance_

_Then his heart would not be frayed_

_If only we hadn't travelled_

_From place to place each day_

_If only danger ignored us_

_Sparing our lives away_

_If only Dad had been Dad_

_Not a stranger instead_

_If only these thoughts weren't here_

_Tiredly in my head_

_If only school had been fun_

_And 'friend' wasn't just a word_

_If only I was normal_

_Not a freak as I've been told_

_If only monsters were fake_

_If only they weren't there_

_Nothing to fight, nothing to fear_

_Only jokes and dares_

_If only they weren't hurting_

_Or screaming out in pain_

_Their blood spilling everywhere_

_On my skin it stains_

_If only I wasn't weak_

_The useless link of course_

_If only they stopped sacrifices_

_And feelings of remorse_

_If only I had listened_

_Maybe death would not be here_

_Perhaps Jess'd still be with me_

_Instead she burned in fear_

_If only his heart was intact_

_After I'd left him then_

_My brother, my protector_

_Better: my mother hen_

_If only I'd seen his tears_

_If only I'd looked back_

_I should never have hurt him_

_Courage was all I lacked_

_If only he'd pushed me away_

_With anger he wouldn't show_

_I broke your heart and still_

_Did you ever let me go?_

_If only we had found Dad_

_Before it was too late_

_If only we'd been faster_

_Instead of sitting round to wait_

_If only I'd have noticed_

_If only I'd have known_

_That it wasn't my father_

_Those eyes were not his own_

_If only I had stopped it_

_Stopped the pain he had endured_

_My brother, you must forgive me_

_My prayers had gone unheard_

_If only I was stronger_

_With my powers unleashed_

_If only my eyes had opened_

_Revealing my inner beast_

_But even then I was weak_

_Watching the torture dealt_

_I thought he was dying there_

_And the fear was all I felt_

_If only I'd been braver_

_If only I'd obliged_

_But Dad, I couldn't kill you_

_I'd rather have died_

_If only I'd seen the truck_

_If only I'd braked before_

_When Dean woke, I thought we'd made it_

_Till I saw Dad on the floor_

_If only we'd got on more_

_If only we didn't fight_

_But you died thinking I hate you_

_I can never make that right_

_If only flames weren't burning_

_Eating into Dad's flesh_

_If only he wasn't gone too_

_Just like Mom and Jess_

_If only Dean opened up_

_And would just let me see_

_What he truly feels inside_

_And what he thinks of me_

_If only I'd noticed more_

_By giving you more time_

_I can't stand to see you cry_

_But tears are not a crime_

_If only you hadn't promised_

_Or kept that secret from me_

_If only you could give me trust_

_Instead you made me flee_

_If only love was shining_

_Invincible to all_

_If only evil disappeared_

_No longer would we fall_

_If only I'd shown no mercy_

_If only I'd stood my ground_

_If only I'd heard him sooner_

_If only I'd made a sound_

_If only I'd pulled through the pain_

_And spat out the rising blood_

_I had felt his arms hold me close_

_Like a brother's always should_

_If only I could answer_

_The words you had to say_

_I'm sorry for my silence_

_As you watched me slip away_

_If only you were stronger too_

_If only you'd held on_

_You could've moved on from me_

_For I was dead and gone_

_If only that deal was forfeit_

_He should have realized_

_I'm not worth the price he'll pay_

_No matter how he tries_

_If only I'd worked harder_

_If only I'd done more_

_He didn't know why I fought_

_Or what I was fighting for_

_If only I'd broken the deal_

_Or better yet, stayed dead_

_One year was not enough for us_

_Secrets were left unsaid_

_If only midnight hadn't chimed_

_And the Hellhounds didn't chase_

_If only Demons couldn't lie_

_Or hide behind a face_

_I should have known beforehand_

_We knew that we were through_

_If only I wasn't weak_

_But we all know that it's true_

_If only I'd killed that bitch_

_Before she opened the door_

_If only I'd defended him_

_As hounds dragged him to the floor_

_If only you hadn't screamed_

_While you were ripped apart_

_I cried, begged and pleaded_

_But you still broke my heart_

_If only that light had killed me_

_If only I'd died too_

_If only I'd finished her_

_But she left me there with you_

_If only there was less blood_

_Or a twinkle in your eye_

_If only you'd woken up_

_When you heard me start to cry_

_If only my tears could drown me_

_So that we'd reunite_

_Darkness was all around now_

_I'm lost without my light_

_If only I could take your place_

_The way it should have been_

_If only I'd had the chance_

_To say 'I love you Dean'_

_I have no more if onlys_

_No more paths to choose_

_For whichever one I take_

_I know that I will lose…_

* * *

I'm still trying to get over the shock of me writing a poem... lol

Please, _please _leave me a review as I'm real anxious to know what y'all thought of it! :S

Thanks so much for taking the time to read it!!

Hugs, Ami-Rose x x x x x


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